Dr No And The Buddha(s)

 

 

 

 

 

"Dr No And The Buddha(s)

 

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Dr No loves to visit with the Buddha every day - sometimes many times a day. When he wants a visit, he comes to me and says "Om? Om? Om?" ("Om is what I taught him that the Buddha says - I figure it's a bit too early to start prattling on about suffering, impermanence, the Five Remembrances, and the Eightfold Path, etc...)   Dr No loves to make the little Buddha sit on the Big Buddha's head. For those of you Boodies out there who are appalled at this, just remember Zen Master Yunmen's declaration - "The Buddha is a dried shit-stick." - and besides - Dr No's interactions with The Buddha come from a place of pure affection. He has no interest in showing off for "The Teacher" or displaying his extensive Dharma knowledge for his classmates..    Dr No just loves... purely and simply...    Dr No also likes to point out the Buddha's body parts and then locate those same parts on his little body..    Probably the most endearing thing Dr No does during his daily visits is to put his little toddler forehead against the Buddha's head and coo sweet toddler nothings to him..    Every couple days, we've been going out into the yard to cut a fresh flower blossom for The Buddha.. I cut it with a pair of kitchen scissors and Dr No toddles back into the Hobbit House with it clutched in his beautiful little hand.. We had to do today's excursion twice because the first time around Dr No got so excited he started happily waving the flower about and the stem broke.. It was a nice lesson in impermanence for Papa though...     ~

 

 

 

"Day Lily From Dr No to The Buddha"

 

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Enter Doctor No

  

 

 

 

"Dr No And His Eagles"

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Dr No and his entourage of siblings, parents and Dog have come to live with me. To say that life in this tiny Hobbit house has been turned upside down would be an understatement. Vast amounts of kinetic energy, laughter, talking, talking, talking, weeping, stomping around, and death defying climbs up the stairs now abound in this once-quiet, once-sleepy address in The Shire.   As for Dr No - his very (very) favorite word is - of course - "NO!" Trying to exert control over his two year-old world, Dr No uses "NO!" to great - and sometimes very humorous -  ends.    For instance -    Me: Good morning Jackie (Dr No's alias is Jack..)   Dr No: NO!!   Me: [coughing]   Dr No: NO!!   Me: [looking in his general direction]   Dr No: NO!!   Me: Jackie - do you want to get down from my lap?   Dr No: NO!   Me: Well - that's ok - you can sit with me if you want. Dr No: NO!!   Me: Jackie - do you have a poop? Dr No: NO!!   Me: You smell.. I think you have a poop. Let me check. Dr No: NO!! (And so begins a chase around the Hobbit House to corral the elusive and agile Dr NO so that I can check his diaper [he did have a poop])   Two year-old "NO's" are really endearing and sometimes very exhausting, but what comes along with the endless stream of "NO's!!!" is magical beyond words. Sharing (a lot of) my food with him, letting him sit on my stomach while I try to lay on the couch, a daily exploration of my "Boo Boo's" (cuts on my arms and legs), joyful laughter, and miraculous - spectacular cuddles... and - Jesus Fucking Christ - a tidal wave of cuteness..    If a toddler comes, carrying a suitcase full of NO!, to live with you, I wish for you to relish the wonder and mystery of living with a tiny, adorable, super-villain..        ~

Repair

 

 

"Net Splice - Gloucester Fish Pier"

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Daisies

 

 

 

 

 

"Danvers Community Gardens"

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The Ache

 

 

"Bound"
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The Ache When we feel pained or drained by the ugliness in the world, It is because we are mourning. We mourn for our love of what the world could be,  For a place that isn’t here, but should be.  That pain is the overwhelming goodness in you hungering for an echo of itself.  What is. What was. What could be.  It is a terrible mark of honor to mourn.  It means we have the courage to love  in an imperfect, impermanent world.  It means we sided with difficult tenderness  over numbing indifference.   ~ Jarod K. Anderson ~

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The Real Reason

 

 

 

"Or Not..."
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Pension Plan   I suspect people die shortly after retirement, not because they are aimless without a career, but because they are too tired to process the trauma of working away their best years, for a chance to be old and reflecting on its meaninglessness.   ~ Joshua Turek ~       ~

Send Me Dead Flowers

 

 

 

 

"Peony"
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Unstoppable

 

 

 

"Bud"

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Beauty and grace are relentless forces in this world. Despite all our best efforts to be ugly, selfish, miseries - beauty and grace erupt unbidden everywhere I look.        ~

God Told Me To...

 

"Feel That God Called Me..."

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You hear it all the time out of the mouths of delusionals... "God told me to do X" or "I felt like God called me to do X" If I didn't have an incredibly stout constitution, I'd puke every fucking time I heard those sentiments..  All (ALL) those words do is, at once, lend legitimacy to whatever the delusional is up to when talking about it to other delusionals all the while loosening the bonds of responsibility from the conscience of the delusional (because - well fuck - the creator of the universe just told me to do whatever).  Pretty neatly sewn up little package, that. Wish I could do it..  ~

Offered Only at a Price I Cannot Afford to Give...

 

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"None Of This Matters"

“Responsibility to yourself means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and naming for you; it means learning to respect and use your own brains and instincts; hence, grappling with hard work. It means that you do not treat your body as a commodity with which to purchase superficial intimacy or economic security; for our bodies to be treated as objects, our minds are in mortal danger. It means insisting that those to whom you give your friendship and love are able to respect your mind. It means being able to say, with Charlotte Brönte’s Jane Eyre: “I have an inward treasure born with me, which can keep me alive if all the extraneous delights should be withheld or offered only at a price I cannot afford to give.”” ~ Adrienne Rich ~ ~

I Shatter

 

 

"Bound"

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“I don’t know what living a balanced life feels like. When I am sad, I don’t cry, I pour. When I am happy, I don’t smile, I glow. When I am angry, I don’t yell, I burn. The good thing about feeling in extremes, is when I love, I give them wings. But perhaps that isn’t such a good thing, cause they always tend to leave and you should see me, when my heart is broken. I don’t grieve, I shatter.” ~ Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey ~ ~

Cover Up

 

"I Think About You All The Time - Especially When I Want Something From You"

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Out of the blue - I got a text from a person that has not once contacted me in years. They said that they thought about me all the time - AND - by the way - could I photograph an event that they were a part of - for no money - BUT - it would be "a great experience" and a "chance to reconnect." As it happened I was in the forced-birth state of Gilead so I couldn't help them out. I did suggest another (much better) photographer that likes to shoot such events.. I even googled the contact information for the photographer because apparently the person asking didn't know how to do that..  Then - instead of just saying thank-you and toddling off, they started with "Oh - I really would like to see you - why don't you come over for dinner?" Christ on a bicycle..  I just ignored the bullshit and eventually they got the hint and dropped it..  In years past - I would have gone running to that invitation despite the fact that the invitation was only extended to cover the fact that they were just contacting me to do something for them..  The Power of No is still strong... ~

Assumed weird

 

"Addison Gallery of American Art"

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“Quiet people always know more than they seem. Although very normal, their inner world is by default fronted mysterious and therefore assumed weird. Never underestimate the social awareness and sense of reality in a quiet person; they are some of the most observant, absorbent persons of all.”  ~ Criss Jami, Healology ~

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The Possibility of Overcoming

 

"The Pondering of Existing Sorrows"

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“Melancholy, the pondering of existing sorrows, has nothing to do with a death wish. It is a form of resistance. And on an artistic level, its function is completely different than simply reactive or reactionary. When, with a fixed gaze, it goes over how things have happened, it is revealed that the motor functions of hopelessness and knowledge are identically executed. The description of misery involves the possibility of overcoming it.”  ~ W.G. Sebald, Die Beschreibung des Unglücks, 1985 ~

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Things Just Are What They Are

 

"Sitagu Buddhist Vihara Dhamma Hall"

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"All our problems are created by us. They come from our own desires.As soon as we’re not satisfied with this or that, we’re already suffering. And when we’re satisfied with this or that, we’re still suffering because once we’re satisfied, we’re afraid that it will leave us. When it really does leave, we’re suffering again. Desire creates problems all on its own. Things just are what they are.They come and then they go. They arise and they cease. You’re the instigator: getting pleased with them, then not wanting them to go away. Or becoming displeased with them and then wanting them to go away faster! When they don’t, you get upset. So, calm down. Whatever it is that you don’t like will go away some day soon anyway. And whatever you like will also go away all the same. You have to keep your mind neutral and you’ll be peaceful." Ajaan Suchart Abhijato - via Tricycle Magazine ~

You Cannot Outrun Pain

 

 

"Dharmachakra Mudra"

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"Many young people come here from your country. I think because, maybe, spiritual malaise. Lost connection with nature, with the family. Lost connection with the spirit. What is left?  The self. Identity. Chasing money, pleasure. Everyone runs from pain towards the pleasure. But - when they get there, only to find more pain. You cannot outrun pain."  Buddhist Abbot - "The White Lotus - Season 3 Episode 6" ~

Silence

 

"Sitagu Buddhist Vihara"

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There is a Buddhist Monastery (Burmese) 12 miles from where I am in Gilead. It has a huge golden stupa with beautiful Buddhas from all different lineages inside. More importantly, they have meditation sessions open to the public on Sunday nights from 7:00-8:00pm.  So - I decided to go last Sunday.  There was a small group in attendance - four lay people and five monks. The session started with the sounding of the gongs outside the Dhamma hall. Monks filed in and took their seats facing the graceful seated Buddha at the front of the room.  The Abbot struck a small bell and a short period of Burmese chanting began. Once ended - the room fell to absolute silence for an hour, with only the hum of the A/C unit to occasionally intrude on the quiet. There was no burbling from the meditation leader, no need for him to make sure, by constantly breaking the silence with little nuggets that served to remind everyone that he was the teacher as I've seen in so many instances in western meditation halls.  Just.  Silence. Silence and the roaring chaos in my head.  I almost didn't attend the session since I've been in so much physical pain with my feet (and psychic pain in my head), but I decided to roll the dice and try to make it through. I'm glad I did. Best of all - there was no dreadful question and answer session or "conversation about meditation" afterwards. After the closing bell stopped ringing, the monks filed out and then all us lay people put our mats and chairs back where they belonged and wordlessly filed out.  What a blessing. ~

Habemus Papum

 

 

AI-Generated Vision Of The Near-Future

 

It's darling to see Christians tripping over their
outrage because of Donnie's cute Pope Pic.
As if he would be any worse than
what has come before...

And anyway - 
they all wanted him,
and they got him,
warts and all.

 Habemus Papem.

 

 

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Flow

 

 

"Flow"

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Breaking The Stare

 

 

"Half-Double Front-Post Crochet"
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I've turned to crochet as a replacement for doom-scrolling while watching movies/shows. Although the resulting fabric is riven with errors, the activity seems to be a healthier alternative to constantly staring with abject horror at the unraveling of the world.       ~

Riding The Wave

 

 

 

"Do You Want To Call Somebody First?

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Now that nobody reads/visits here anymore, I can get down to it.  I'm overwhelmed.   ....and not in a good way....   It feels like the walls are closing in on me, and the only way ahead that is open to me is a descent into darkness.   And please - hold your "Do you need to talk to somebody?" and "Maybe try an anti-depressant?" Non-starters for me.    I don't trust any medical provider enough to let them into my head. And anyway - I don't trust talk therapy now and never did, really. It always seemed I was following the therapist's agenda/script instead of getting down to what I needed/wanted.    And SSRI's? Benzos?   Poison.    Worse outcomes than placebos, so fuck them too.   So - I'll just ride this dark wave.   Woo. Hoo.      ~

The Freedom of Rock Bottom

 

 

 

"They Grew Apart Over The Years"

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Nobody reads / visits this blog anymore. Not friends, not family, not strangers.   Of course - I've brought this on myself with my penchant for exploring uncomfortable topics, and for salting the vibes of delicate liberal sensibilities.    No matter.   A lack of audience is freeing in a way, because I no longer worry whose fee-fees will be chafed by what I write here.   And yes - I'm aware that this reads like a gross rationalization.     ~

Watching

 

 

 

"Brother"

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Talking To Strangers - The Lost Art of Net-Mending And The Distrust of NOAA

 

 

"Mending Nets For The F/V Harmony"

 

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I watched him work on the nets from a respectful distance. He said "Hi!", so I walked closer and we began to talk.  He first became a commercial fisherman at the age of 17. If my memory serves, he worked the boats until he was 32 when he left fishing to drive UPS trucks. He told me that driving delivery trucks was safer, more financially rewarding, and more physically taxing than fishing. He's now enjoying a comfortable retirement thanks to a union pension and other retirement benefits. (Contrast that with the Joe Big-Ass Corporation "pension" that I receive which nets out to less than $1.00 per day.)   I asked him where he learned to mend nets. He said he learned as a boy early in his career. "Back in the day, you couldn't get a full share on a boat unless you knew how to mend nets, so I learned quick. Nowadays there's not many men that have this skill, so they'll call me and other old-timers like me to come fix their nets when they tear them."    We talked about NOAA - the much-hated government agency that both sets fishing quotas for boats AND produces weather forecasts. I asked him why fishermen despised NOAA so much since without them the captains and crews would be essentially blind to onrushing storms while at sea. He told me that fishermen distrust scientists because (he said) they misjudge the health of fish stocks. "They don't know how to fish. They set up on a flat sandy bottom and don't come up with anything, so they say there are no fish. Gloucestermen will fish rocky bottoms and come up with full nets."    I didn't argue with him. I make it a policy to never argue with people I meet on the street.   I have to say though, that I hear several versions of that skeptical view point over and over again from fishermen.. From my point of view - while it may be true that NOAA scientists aren't professional fishermen and as a result will not bring in catches like the professionals do, fishermen can't really argue with the fact that they have to go further and further out to catch fish. They can't argue with the fact that the herring and mackerel populations have been depleted so much that big mid-water trawlers like the Endeavor and the Challenger now sit rusting at the pier and make only a tiny handful of trips a year now while they wait to be sold off.. But - nobody is in any rush to buy them. They can't argue with depleted lobster catches, with more and more of the lobster population making its way to colder Maine waters.. They can't argue with the recent partial collapse of the scallop beds off southern Massachusetts which has driven the retail price of scallops to $55.00 a pound.

 

 

 

 

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Finest Kind

 

 

 

"Finest Kind of Day"

 

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Witness

 

 

 

"Going. Going. Gone."

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While taking this picture, a young crew member of the Capt. Joe approached me. He was about six inches shorter than me but had big muscles, and exuded the vibe of someone itching for someone to start something.. Squaring up with me he asked, "Why are you taking pictures of our gear?"  I immediately produced my "Aw shucks, I'm just a photographic hobbyist and I've been coming up here taking pictures of working boats and fishermen for yea....." He didn't wait for me to finish. He turned on his heel and went back to work. Here's what I should have said and will say the next time I am confronted in such a way. "Your industry is dying. Within five or ten years this will all be gone. Men like you, in love with the sea, will be forced into other ways of making money. I find it a shame that such a thing is happening. My pictures are a witness to the last days of a great enterprise - commercial fishing.. You all have given so much.. It should be remembered."       ~

This Existence Of Ours

 

 

 

 

 

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Year in, year out...

 

 

"Turbulence"

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"To stand at the edge of the sea, to sense the ebb and flow of the tides, to feel the breath of a mist moving over a great salt marsh, to watch the flight of shore birds that have swept up and down the surf lines of the continents for untold thousands of years, to see the running of the old eels and the young shad to the sea, is to have knowledge of things that are as nearly eternal as any earthly life can be. These things were before ever man stood on the shore of the ocean and looked out upon it with wonder; they continue year in, year out, through the centuries and the ages, while man’s kingdoms rise and fall.” ~ Rachel Carson ~ ~

Sweet Dreams

 

 

"Dreaming Trees"

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Diana

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night sweats and suicidal urges

 

 

"What Could Be So Wrong?"

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"If the world gives you the blues, if you wake up in the middle of the night with waves of fear and senseless panic washing over you, I am your friend. If you're overcome by a desperation that makes your mouth open for a scream that never comes out but just freezes your face in mute despair, then you and I have something in common. If you can't understand them for the life of you, even though you've tried so hard, when that dislocation makes you feel like you're the only one of your species on the planet, I know I can confide in you. If this endless ghetto of lies and heart break, this life-long run of fences and flickering neon signs, night sweats and suicidal urges makes you feel like stopping, just stopping, like stopping breathing, wait. Wait. You don't have to tell me your name. You don't have to prove yourself to me. I accept you. If you're finding life to be the one thing that's trying to kill you, I want you to stay alive to rise with the sun and fight back." ~ Henry Rollins ~ ~