Small

 

"Buddha"

Nikon D800
Nikkor 50.0mm 1.4 Lens
Lightroom
Snapseed

 

Thus have I recently heard: I should investigate with curiosity the mind as it reacts to situations, pleasurable and painful too.. When I replied to the "curiosity" recommendation that my meditation practice was not sturdy enough to be present with the level of pain I experience every night, I got a somewhat muddled, somewhat annoyed, answer in response.    After thinking about it for a while, here is what I think about "curious investigation."  Meditation is a practice. Practice in all things starts slow, starts small, and builds on thousands of small victories. For example, say I want to learn to surf. The first time out, I wouldn't try to surf twenty foot waves breaking over razor sharp coral reefs at the Banzai Pipeline in Hawaii. No. Ralphie would take me  to Good Harbor beach or Lynn beach where the waves are not much more than little bumps and I would start my practice there.  Expecting a wobbly skill at meditation to stand up to grinding, unremitting pain (physical or mental) is the best way to end up feeling really bad about myself and the efficacy of the practice. That inaccurate expectation leaves me feeling ashamed for being a shitty practitioner, and isolated at 3:00AM with my failure, at a time when I can afford neither feeling..  Decades ago, my first meditation teacher told our class (paraphrasing) "The time for making a parachute is not when you've jumped out of the airplane." hah..    So - here's the thing - with meditation, start small and treat yourself with mercy along the way..    ~